Charming Conversation How to Make Others Eager to Chat with You

In conversations between two or more people, the more the others speak the more interesting and intelligent you'll be.Up to a point. You can't leave the other person in a vacuum while you squirm silently and stare blankly ahead.Let me rephrase, the less you have to talk to keep up your side of a conversation, the more interesting and intelligent you'll be.

Unfortunately, saying just enough is an art and a skill that doesn't come naturally to most of us. Here are some guidelines you can follow.If You Have to Speak

  • Make questions the greatest part of your contribution.

    Asking good questions requires knowledge and understanding of the subject, but not necessarily mastery of the subject. And don't ask questions merely in order to challenge the other person's views and demonstrate your superiority. Take the attitude of a na´ve investigator. Listen intently and ask follow-up questions. Find areas of agreement and mutual interest, and comment on them.

  • When it's your turn to contribute, try to state your point in a sentence, and follow with a question.

  • When you're invited to tell a story or give your opinion, do it in a minute or less. Offer the conversation back to the others?with a question. Go on only if you are invited to, and only for another minute or less. Don't get sucked into long monologs.
  • What do you talk about? That takes some work.

    Pay attention to articles in popular magazines, TV newsmagazines, etc. They must interest readers and viewers, or advertisers won't pay. Pay attention to the things the others you're with are talking about. Contribute when you have a legitimate contribution to make. If you don't have a contribution and you are eager to charm the others, take the time to learn something relating to their interests. Then ask good questions the next time you're together.

.Keeping the Others Speaking.Inviting others to speak and to keep speaking is also an art that takes skill and practice.
  • Face the speaker dead on. Lean forward.

    Make eye contact. Let the other know you're with them?"uh-huh," "I see what you mean," "that's interesting," "I didn't know that"?.

  • Ask questions about things they've mentioned.

    Try in this way to find common interests and agreement. When you find them, you'll be able to ask better questions and your interest and enthusiasm will be real.

  • Repeat the other's last words or phrase in a questioning tone of voice. That's all it takes sometimes to invite the other to elaborate, explain, embellish, and feel that you're really interested.

"Really interested?".
.Jerome M. Spector, M.A.

, L.P.C., is a writer and psychotherapist. Jerry's background includes more than two decades enhancing relationships: business relationships (JMSDM Direct Marketing), therapeutic relationships (Relationship Counseling Associates, Children's Center for Behavioral Development), and intimate relationships (The Relationship Centers).

For a wealth of practical information on match-dating, dating and relationship skills, visit

By: Jerome Spector

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Charming Conversation How to Make Others Eager to Chat with You - In conversations between two or more people, the more the others speak the more interesting and intelligent you?ll be.